Friday, January 30, 2009

A New Beginning

Today I moved into my very own home.  It's an unsorted and disorganized pile of boxes and belongings, but it is mine.  Today I was given the money that was left over from selling the matrimonial home, and learned that my order for a divorce was filed in court two days ago.  I also learned that I am going to be a grandmother again.

I can do a lot in one day when I set my mind to it.

Monday, January 19, 2009

You Know You Aren't Over it When...

... it can still make you tear up and your heart starts to pound while you manifest other signs of nervousness and stress.

No, I'm not talking about my marriage's demise.  I am ready to dance on the remains of that with hobnailed boots.  I am speaking about my excommunication from my old church.  

I had a short visit today with a fellow excommunicant that I happen to like a great deal.  We spoke a bit about things ecclesiastical and she and her family are attending a different reformed church now and working through some issues.  The thought of even going to that church for a visit, despite assurances that this was a different experience than what I had sat under previously, was enough to almost trigger a panic attack.  I guess I still have some healing to do there.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Broken Open

"...And the time came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Broken Open:  How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser

Friday, January 9, 2009

More Changes Coming

So I took the plunge this week and renewed my driver's license and in the process also changed the address from my current home to the one I'll be moving into in several weeks.  I am now officially going by my maiden name and it still feels odd to revert back to signing myself off that way.  My new home will be registered in my old name as is my van, my hydro account and my telephone/internet/cable tv account.  About the last, I was delighted to get an account for all three services from Shaw that works out to be less money than just the phone and internet for Telus.  And no installation fees or charges if they come to my house to fix something!  The postal service has been notified about the change of address and name, my line of credit has been put in my old name, and now I just have to change over some other accounts and payments soon.

I was reading some more of Nora Roberts' books tonight and a recurring theme in many of them is that of an old home being bought and renovated and worked on to a beautiful and charming but homey place of business.  I'm not turning my new home into a commercial venture, but it will be a place of business for me as I intend to have clients into it.  But her book got me thinking about what I want to do there.  I don't have much to do in terms of remodeling.  The only thing that really needs extensive work is the basement.  I plan to put in a bathroom and finish off the one bedroom properly.  On the front of my house I started thinking about what I could do there to make it more attractive and I think some box planters on the front under the kitchen window and a small bed of flowers beneath it will be in order.  I plan to hang a wreath suitable to the season on the front door.  The miniature garden in the back is something I would also like to transform into something that will have flowers and even some veggies growing in the summer.  I want a sort of "zen" like view out the patio doors into a small oasis of charming and peaceful growing things.

I'm looking forward to transforming this place into a nest or garden suitable for growing my own soul and that of my children.  It will be the place where I finally come to terms with and enjoy being on my own.  The anticipation feels quite sweet.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Trinitarian Marriage

Psalm 115 tells us that we become like whatever it is we are worshipping.  One of the reasons Muslim women are so poorly treated is because of this factor.  The word "muslim" apparently means "submission".  The unitarian Muslim god, Allah, before the creation of the world, was an eternal hermit.  He is the supreme sovereign and therefore the only relationship one can have to him is to submit -- love is not his nature.  The Trinitarian God of the Scripture, on the other hand, existed eternally in three persons with perfect love and communion existing amongst all the members of the Godhead.  Thus, the Bible claims that "God is love."  

In Christian marriage, you tend to see a greater emphasis on mutual submission to God out of love for Him as well as love and respect between partners.  I say tend because in fact a lot of Christian marriages are functionally Muslim in nature.

If we become like whoever or whatever we worship, and if there is something less than pleasing and unChristlike in our conduct and thought life, it is time to do a check for idols in our life...