Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Elastic Horizons

I call them elastic because depending on which aspect of life I am looking at they are either shrinking or expanding.

My horizon in the current house I am living in has shrunk mightily.  I find a distaste for sleeping/living in my bedroom any more.  I could say it was bad memories, etc., that keep me out, but the plain fact is that I just don't feel like staying in that room any more.  Instead I sleep on my massage table in my office with my amethyst biomat under me and several warm blankies over me.  

Some areas of the home are definitely uncomfortable to me because of past associations, but in other ways as I clean out the debris of the last 17 and a half years, I seem to reclaiming more of it just before I leave it forever.  

I am very much looking forward to the new house we are going into.  It will be mine to fashion into not only a place to stay, but a nest.  It is rather like being given a fresh blank canvas and a new set of paints and brushes and being encouraged to go at it.  I'm free to make of it what I want.

Yesterday I spent some time in several furniture stores doing a bit of window shopping with the idea of getting a few items that will help to make the new place more useable and homey.  One of the things I am looking for is a china cabinet/hutch.  I'll need the space to store my good dishes that have been packed away for the last 19 years since I had no place to put them.    Then there are the window coverings that I will need as well.  And what do I want to retain in the way of decorative items or do I want to start fresh?

It's funny to me how God can sometimes move me.  This summer I discovered the authoress, Nora Roberts, and since then I have been hooked on her books.  There is invariably some "fast forward" scenes of sex that I tend to skip because I don't need to get worked up and then frustrated because of no lawful outlet for all the worked-upedness.  However, I like her stories because the heroines are usually punchy, independent women who appear to know their own minds, tend to be entrepreneurial, and are able to exist without a man defining their existence for them.   The latest one I read was called Black Rose and was about a woman of the same age that I am who was widowed, divorced and now on her own.  She had worked hard and built a successful gardening center on the grounds of her family's ancestral home.  What really grabbed me was that the heroine, though dealing with issues from the past, was firmly grounded in the present and was dealing with life on her own terms.  She wasn't some incomplete lost soul without a man.  She had a life and she was living it.  And the relationship she eventually gets involved in didn't require her to sacrifice her values, her personality, or her goals.  

Anyhow, said book started me thinking along the lines that it is time that I started that same walk.  I need to stay grounded in the present -- not raging and bitter over the past and things I can't change, and not living in the future that may never happen.  Instead, I need to stay in today and do what is in front of me, and moreover, take pleasure in it.  

Sufficient unto today is the evil or pleasure thereof.

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